Forgiveness

So, today I got busy with the business of forgiveness.  Actually, the instructions arrived in the mail. Sent to me by a beautiful woman I met a few months ago who was insightful enough to see that where I hold on is where I am not letting go. 

I realize that I cannot forgive parts of you and cling to my resentments towards other parts of you.  I realize that my own inability to forgive myself is actually cloaked in my resentments toward you.  I actually tried to set you free some weeks ago.  You see, if I imagine forgiving myself, there is no more shame or guilt that makes it necessary to leverage my self worth off of your choices and actions that hurt me so much. It no longer serves my me to diguise my lack of self forgiveness as your shortcomings.   It says all I need is willingness.  Well, I am willing to be free, therefore I am willing to forgive you and myself.  I MUST be free.   I can taste the freedom.  I can sense the transformation taking place within me.  It’s a spiritual re-birth that is often very painful and very uncomfortable.  I cry alot. I don’t recognize my world anymore.  I cling to mantras that keep me on course.  It’s very hard work, but I want to live. Really live…in the present, not in my memories.  And so Jesus said: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.  This wasn’t meant for religious doctrines, this was meant to set us free with the understanding that, in reality,we are one. It’s about the ‘word” not the church.  I must forgive you if I want to forgive myself. But I must extract myself from your equation to be clear about me.   Sure I’m pretty, kind and smart,  but I’m a survivor; and I’ve mastered the art of believing the lie that I am damaged.  And so in the words of Emmett Fox,  the method is( if he doesn’t mind me sharing: “I fully and freely forgive him. I loose him and let him go. I completely forgive the whole business in question. As far as I’m concerned, it is finished forever.  I cast the burden of resentment upon the Christ within me. He is free now, I am free too.  I wish him well in every phase of his life. That incident is finished.  The Christ truth has set us both free.  I thank God”.  Now I’ll go about  my business of my life, and I rest.  And so it is.